Heartache...

It's been a long time since I've cried.  It's weird.  I used to cry all the time..."emotional" would have been one of the first words I would use to describe myself.  But now, I can't even remember the last time I cried.  I've teared at movies.  I even wept a little bit when I was saying goodbye to my nephew Caleb as I was moving up here.  But today, I sobbed.  Achingly.  

I felt really alone.  And it scared me.  I think for the first time I really feared that I made a mistake moving up here.  That the draw of a more money and a new life made me foolishly jump the gun and move.  I thought that knowing people up here would help.  But, one by one this past week, all my attempts at reaching out to acquaintances has been met with "this is a really busy week" or "I have plans...maybe next time?".  The last straw was when an old friend I was supposed to meet for dinner tomorrow just cancelled on me.  It felt suddenly that I was undesirable as a friend...cursed.  I just feel really alone...and suddenly hopelessness started creeping in.  During all the alone times this first month, I convinced myself that things would change and that I'd start to meet people.  But finally, I feel my spirit has been broken.  I'm alone.  I'm tired.  And I'm tired of the chalking all my restless days out and about up to "adventures".  

11 more months of this "experiment".  Will I make it? 

The only good news in sight is that I'm going home to LA next weekend.  Finally, some comfort.

My eyes are gonna be red and puffy tomorrow.  That should really attract some friends to me.

Barack Obama for President

I was asked by the campaign to write why I support Barack Obama...words that they'd then forward on to those privileged "superdelegates" to try and sway them to do the same. Here are my words:

Having grown up in San Diego (and Orange County) in a conservative home, I registered at 18 as a Republican. I have voted, sometimes reluctantly, but always faithfully along party lines.

Until now.

This year, I changed my party affiliation and registered as a Democrat. Why? Barack Obama. How is it that for the first 17 years of my voting life, I wasn't convinced or inspired by anyone in particular enough to stand up for change? And why, now at the age of 35, do I feel passionately enough to do so? Barack Obama.

People may say he lacks experience. They may claim he has no substance. But, I'm not enough of a risk taker or a fool to simply blindly follow someone I couldn't stand behind. I believe in his policies. I believe in his methods. I believe in his platform. I believe that he is the only one capable of uniting the American people into a new direction.

Look what he's been able to do already.

He has influenced a population of young people - written off as lazy, unmotivated, and incapable - to believe that they can make a difference and has rallied them to get out and vote. And they support him passionately.

He has influenced a population of apathetic people - certain that their ONE vote could not possibly effect change - to believe that they can make a difference and they've shown up in record numbers at the polls to vote.

He unites. He rallies. He inspires. He leads. I've heard these same things about the very best American Presidents of the past, but I never believed I'd hear it or see it a President in my day.

Until now.

That's why my very powerful one vote is pledged to Barack Obama for President of the United States.

How long does it take...

...to start feeling like a local? Four weeks ago I moved from LA to San Francisco. Four weeks ago, I started a new job in a new town with a new attitude! FRESH. That's how I've felt the past few weeks. Now? I'm starting to wonder when I'll start feeling NORMAL. When will things stop feeling new and start feeling familiar? I wonder. It's a process...I know. I'm willing...


Some thoughts from my first month in SF:

Things I love about SF:
*My apartment. Feels like home.
*Walking.
*Neighborhoods.
*My neighborhood.
*Options. There's always something to do.
*Taxis. They're crazy. They're expensive. But, I can always find one and get home.

Things I hate about SF:
*Being apart from my family.
*Not having any friends.
*Hills.
*Wearing flats.
*Everyone is 10 times more naturally beautiful, fit, and fashionable than I am.
*No real grocery stores.

Things I thought I'd love but I hate about SF:
*Food town. There are almost TOO many restaurant offerings. And it ain't cheap!
*Shopping. There are almost TOO many store offerings. And it ain't cheap!
*Hardwood floors. My upstairs neighbor walks like an elephant. I walk on egg shells.
*Local coffee shops. I don't think they’re any better. I'll stick with Starbucks.
*Bars. I always leave feeling bloated and broke. And my body doesn’t bounce back quite the way it used to.

Things I thought I'd hate but I love about SF:
*Fog horns. All night long. There's something soothing about them.
*Riding the bus. I get to read.
*Tandem parking space. It just makes me drive less.
*Wine. I'm getting used to it.
*Tourists. They're actually pretty fun. And they make me feel like I'm a local.

To be determined how I feel:
*My new job
*My new bangs