*Le sigh*...

I know I've been going on and on about dating and how its so painful and makes me so insecure. Ha! But, I do want to say that nothing beats those butterflies when you know you're about to go and meet him. Or the smile that explodes all over your face when you get a text from him. Or how content you feel after having spent the day with him. And hugs. And kisses. And plans. And calls. All the good stuff.

So, I've decided I'm done being a Debbie-Dating-Downer...and will look on the bright side of it all.

With that being said, apparently I missed a step...my apologies to the readers who made quite the uproar (ha!)...and didn't tell you all the details about GQ...

I actually did mention GQ (his intials) months ago in a post about the guys I've been randomly meeting. He's the one who reminds me of my 4th grade teacher. We picked up correspondence shortly after my posting and have since met up and have been having, at least by my accounts, a really, really great time getting to know each other. He's studying Eastern medicine and speaks frequently about acupuncture (ouch!), wanting to find my pressure points (pervert!), Chinese herbs (yuck!), and school...his life is all about school. But, I like that. He's committed. And he's exposing me to things I'd never really ever thought about before. I like that he challenges me. And he smiles...a lot. Which makes me smile. And he's one of those freaks-of-nature in that he's KIND and CONSIDERATE...and MALE! ha! And his life is fascinating. And he tries to follow football so that he can make conversation with me (even though his questions during a game drive me crazy! :) )

I know, I know...I sound like such a girl...smitten...

Who knows? It's all still very new. But he makes me feel safe, and comfortable, and as odd as it sounds...strong...he makes me feel strong...I feel like I can be myself without apology...bonus points for him!

I'll keep you all posted...

Us being silly...I picked the fuzzy one since I didn't get his approval to post a picture of him. ha!

Fatso...

Yes, I'm officially one...a fatso.  

I recently saw a picture of myself and thought, "damn girl, eat much?".  And today, after showering and doing my once over in the mirror, I was saddened to see that I am clearly out of the "I've put on a few pounds" range and now nearing the "yes, I'm obese" range.  I'll start the excuses by saying that at 5' tall, even a few pounds seem like a lot.  And, work has been stressful so I may have been eating more than I should.  And, as I've hit my 30's, my metabolism has slowed down.  And, I've been really, really busy so finding time to workout has been tough.  And...and...

OK, OK!  I need to get on this.  My boobs are HUMUNGOUS...it's the first place I gain weight.  And my arms are ENORMOUS.  And whatever that flap of skin is under your chin...its now been filled with fat.  TEN POUNDS!  That's my goal.  I'm losing TEN POUNDS!  Do you hear me...10 extra lbs that have attached yourself to me (8 in my boobs, and 2 in my belly)...I will be rid of you!!!  Is it realistic to try to lose 1o lbs right during the holiday season?  Realistic, maybe not...but I'm betting on a miracle.  I'm going to DC this weekend and will eat my way around town with Jeans and listen to her BS me by telling me how great I look.  ha!  But, as soon as I get back, its on!!!  I declare WAR ON THE BULDGE!!!

I'll keep you all posted on my progress.  

I'm no quitter!

I'm a fighter.  I'm an overcomer.  I'm not a quitter. 

• This job will not get the best of me.  I will do MY best and it will make a difference. (and I'll collect my paycheck and be happy about it!  :) )
  
• This eczema will not get the best of me.  I will continue to take my herbs.  I will stop scratching.  And it will go away.
  
• My insecurity will not get the best of me.  I will look myself in the mirror and remind myself that "I'm good enough.  I'm smart enough.  And doggone it people like me!" (thanks, Stewart!)

• This economy will not get the best of me.  I will continue to contribute to my 401k and believe that I WILL one day be able to retire. 
  
• Virgin America will not get the best of me.  You are my favorite airline and just because we've had some bumps in the road the last couple of times, I'm not going anywhere.  "I wish I knew how to quit you!"...but I won't.  Because, frankly, you're still the best out there.
  
• Dating will not get the best of me.  I will keep on...have some fun...figure it out...and not die an old maid.  :)
  
• The search for TPB (The Perfect Boot) will not get the best of me.  I will find you.  Even if it takes me all Winter...shoot, I'm not against wearing boots in the Summer!  

Can you believe how dark its getting by 6pm?  And we haven't even moved the clocks back yet!  I love Winter!  I'm officially 9 months into my life in SF.  Feelin' good...

Break it down for me...

I need a guru, a teacher, a yoda, a therapist (?)...to explain men, women, men & women, men vs women...to me.  Please.  

We've already laid the foundation months ago that I suck at dating.  It's clearly because I just don't understand.  Why do women turn into weaker, crazier versions of themselves and men into unavailable, more disrespectful versions of themselves?  Why does dating bring out every hidden insecurity?  Or is it just me?

I've concluded that men have no clue.  AND...that women have no clue.  (And that I have no clue.)  Dating is simply 2 clueless participants trying to figure it all out...whatever "it" is...

Its HARD!  Grrrr.... I will make an offering to the dating gods to make it easier on me.  Meanwhile, I send out this message...

Dear perfect man who will make me blissfully happy:  please miraculously fall out of the sky into my life and adore me for who I am, care about me, respect me, WORSHIP me (ha!), and allow me to do the same for you.

Unrealistic?  Discuss.

...

Random tidbits:

• I roasted pumpkin seeds and tossed them with sea salt and garlic powder.  Delish!
  
• I found 2 of the cutest dresses at a random boutique in OAKLAND!  Woot!  (Perfect for my DC trip!)  GQ seemed pleased and that made me happy.
  
• I gave up on the herbs.  Too much work...too little patience...
  
• I had dinner with MM.  Don't worry friends...it was completely platonic.  And it was good to be CERTAIN that I'm over him. 
  
• Stress from work has died down...so why do I still have this flesh-eating disease?
  
• I officially have jumped sides from "heels:  the higher the better" to "lord give me some flats right now"
  
• I found out from my mom that my dad fell out of a tree (huh?) and hurt himself.  I'm angry they waited a week to go to the hospital.  I'm angrier they waited a week to tell me. 
  
• My Citicard Reward Points just bought me all my Christmas presents for my family this year.  I've finished my shopping.  How jealous are you?
  
• I have concluded I should NEVER be photographed without makeup on...EVER!
  
• Every time I watch "The Hills", I am thankful that I no longer live in LA.
  
• With the Chargers struggling this year, what backup team, contender, do I root for?  
  
• My roots are out of control.  I'm too lazy to get my hair did.  Oh well.  
  

3 more days till DC...

  

Who am I kidding?

I am neither as creative nor as tough as I thought I was. Ha!

This weekend I went to a cute little pumpkin patch in Oakland and tried my hand at carving. I saw visions of grandeur...a Martha Stewart cover in my future perhaps. Alas, I was brought back to reality with the hideousness that was my final product. The "winking" one is mine...yes, that's a wink. And the white "bejeweled" one is also mine. I tried to be modern, but as GQ put it, it looks like a spaceship. The adorable, perfectly symmectrical, classic jack-o-latern is GQ's...and it put me to shame. :)

I also had my first foreay into Chinese medicine this weekend. I need help with my eczema or whatever it is that's invading my skin. After a visit to Henry the healer, and $40 and a new clay herb pot later, I had my first cup of miracle juice. Ummmm...yeah...no...ugh...yuck...gross...and 4 cups later...still itching. I've been told that I need to be friends with the herbs, welcome them into my system, let them work their magic without blocking their flow. I get it...I just don't like it. I'm a wimp. No tough gal here. I've got 8 more cups to go...a weeks worth...grow some hair on your chest, girl...git 'er dun...

I'm going to Washington DC this weekend! I'm so excited! Jeannie...here I come!!!

Happy weekend everyone!

I'm excited. Just 3 hours to go till the weekend! Baking Halloween cookies. Laundry, for sure. Pumpkin carving with GQ. A visit to the Chinese herbalist to see if they've got something in their bag of tricks that will miraculously heal my itchy boobs. Hugs. Celebrate Em's "FIRST" birthday (ha!). Football. Mani/pedi if I can fit it in. Study up on all the props so I can figure out how I'm voting. Mad Men.

Good times...see you on the flip side!

Hanging bits of loveliness...

I've been thinking that I want a chandelier for my apartment. I live in an older building with so many great little "period" bits and pieces maintained. And even though nothing I own is Victorian or Edwardian or Old-ian, I do like the thought of playing that theme up a bit. So a vintage-y chandelier, not huge or Liberace-esque, nothing over the top...simple, small, lovely...would be perfect. I'm not really certain what that's gonna look like, and nothing has quite caught my eye and my heart as of yet, but I'm certain its out there...

Maybe something kind of like the one in the upper right corner of this picture:

*Le sigh*...methinks a trip to the Alameda flea market is in the horizon...

What the CROC?

I refuse to ever wear Crocs. They are hideous. In fact, I hold grudges against people who own them, wear them, love them. I'll be your friend...but it will take some serious effort on my part to get past it. I will NEVER OWN A PAIR OF CROCS!

And then, they go and do THIS! They create a whole line of footwear called "YOU by Crocs" and goshdarnit...the boots are really cute. I would actually buy these if I hadn't already sworn to never purchase a pair of Crocs...ever. My search for this years TPB (The Perfect Boot) continues...

My boobs itch...

I apologize for my infrequent posting as of late. Work has been such a bear. I have a new boss. Out of nowhere, the CEO of the company comes into town to visit our office and announces that my boss quit. Whaaaat? And then we all got introduced to the "new guy". He seems nice enough. But he wasn't the one who hired me. He wasn't the one that's been impressed with what I've done for the agency in such a short time. He wasn't the one that knows there's been a history of turnover in this position and that it's quite frankly a miracle I'm still here. So...I guess I feel a bit like I'm starting all over too...proving myself. It's been stressful.

The last few years have been marked by a few "seasons" of great stress in the workplace. And with it, a new oddity, nuisance...eczema. I've never had it before. And, contrary to popular belief, it's not just due to dry skin. Adult onset eczema is stress related and it can be really painful. In my case, I've gotten it 1-2 times per year the last few years and it sucks. You scratch until your skin turns into a rashy mess...its the scratching that actually creates the rash. I scratch until I bruise and sometimes bleed. Gross, I know. So, I've been wearing socks on my hands to bed and I cut my nails down to the nub. But, this time, instead of being in the usual "sockets" of places on my body, I have eczema on my boobs.

My boobs itch like a mutha-f'er and the worst part about it? It's not like you can just scratch 'em. Ya know? In public? Can you imagine? I'm dying of discomfort at work. I want to put cold compresses on them. But, none of that is socially acceptable. And so, I die. Not in the fabu Rachel Zoe way...but in the literal "I want to shoot myself and put me out of my misery" way.

Ugh.

So if you do happen to see a lady walking down the street or sitting in a restaurant or riding the bus and she happens to be scratching her boobs, please don't judge. She may just have eczema caused by stress and needs all the sympathy she can get.

Thanks. :)

Can I wear this EVERYWHERE?

I LOVE this dress!  It's so full and over the top and lovely!  I want to wear it to the supermarket and then to the movies and then shopping and then to a tea party and then on a first date to a beautiful little trattoria and then to sleep.  I'm certain that would make me happy.  :)

Things that are "freakin' awesome"!

• A Chargers victory is freakin' awesome.
• New York City is freakin' awesome.
• Buying a fake Gucci purse in a seedy back alley hidden locked closet for $35 is freakin' awesome.
• Watching a week's worth of tivo'd programs in one day is freakin' awesome.
• Doing what you know to be right is freakin' awesome.
• Phillippine Brand Dried Mangoes are freakin' awesome.
• Meeting a new guy who piques your interest is freakin' awesome.
• BBQ's on rooftops are freakin' awesome. 
• Zara is freakin' awesome.
• Colored and textured tights are freakin' awesome.
• Obama rising in the polls again is freakin' awesome.
• Rachel Maddow's sarcasm is freakin' awesome.

• Pretty panties are freakin' awesome.
  
• Spanx are also freakin' awesome.
  
• Just being able to survive working at my lame-ass agency is freakin' awesome.

...oh heck, I'm pretty freakin' awesome.  ha!

Know what's not so freakin' awesome?

• Realizing that I've become a fat cow is not so freakin' awesome.
  
• Having to go back to my miserable and emotionally challenging job tomorrow is not so freakin' awesome.

...c'est la vie!  I've decided that no matter what, this is going to be a phenomenal week and I'm going to love every minute of it...

My apologies...

Sorry for the lack of posts as of late. A LOT is going on in life and I need to 1) get through it, 2) digest it, and 3) blog about it!

Ha! Good stuff, crazy stuff, uncertain stuff...but I'll let you all in on the deets in a few...hopefully this weekend...

Hope you're all well! It's October and lovely in the city! Enjoy!