Mr's Oh-So-Wrong...

I've had a lifetime of them. But just recently seems to be taking the cake.

Dear "The Ex": you had my heart for a bit. but whoever told you breaking up from a serious relationship over the phone was ok, steered you all kinds of wrong. Not interested in "meeting for a beer to catch up". Sorry.

Dear super-cute photographer who's totally not my type: I'm certain I can't get over the fact that 1) you're leaving for Brazil in 2 weeks, 2) you might be much too young even for consideration, and 3) you don't get my humor and that's just unacceptable (and you're kinda on the short side, sorry)

Dear "you've always been the one": man, even 10 years later, I still have a crush on you. and though it was nice catching up again, finding out you're married with 2 children doesn't bode well for your chances. and shame on you for reaching out to me...douche.

Dear bartender at my new favorite neighborhood joint: I like your style. Witty. Football fan. Cute. But, I've been the bartender. And I've dated the bartender. One thing I know: bartenders can not be trusted.

Dear fellow drinker at my new favorite neighborhood joint: its great being regulars together. but the fact that you went to your first concert the same year I was born makes me see you more as an uncle-figure. And the fact that you hang out at my new favorite neighborhood joint so often that they've deemed you "the mayor" is of concern. but thanks for buying me drinks. See you next time!

Seriously, life, universe, God...where the heck are the Mr. Rights?