I Feel Validated!

Here's a blog I just read today on the Huffington Post:

"Why Women Gladly Date Ugly Men (And Probably Prefer Them)" by Verana von Pfetten

It's a pretty well known fact that most women - attractive women - will happily date ugly men. We see it on TV -- in shows like King of Queens, though I would probably argue that Kevin James is kind of a stud, and really, that's exactly the point I plan on making-- and we see it in our friends.

There are plenty of studies on this strangely anti-Darwinian phenomenon - studies which I think don't answer the question as well as I, with my oh-so-steadfast opinions, can, do, and will.

So let's talk about this. Let's talk about what exactly is wrong with these conventionally attractive men, and let's talk about what is right about these, well, conventionally un-attractive men.

Anecdotal evidence aside, I know for a fact that I don't find "hot" men attractive.* Let me clarify - I find them pleasing to the eye, and every so often quite tempting, but I don't find myself actually attracted to them. And here I have to admit that I am undoubtedly judging their books by their covers, but I have yet to find the exception to the rule.

To explain: These high-school hotties are used to having the sort of unadulterated, fawning adoration that the symmetrically blessed always get in high-school, but the problem is that it doesn't do them any good. In fact, it's fair to say that it categorically does them harm. They're trained from a young age to be (often) unjustifiably self-assured, to eschew personality and affability for cocksure confidence, and to generally treat people like the feudal system is alive and kickin'.

Am I making a sweeping generalization? No doubt. Can the same argument be used against women? Sometimes. But I find that women are much more inclined to date with their emotions - to pick a man that is funny, comforting, kind, and generous - and they'll often pick one or all of those traits over his looks.

I also have a little (and relatively untested) theory. I believe that women tend to come into themselves -- appearance-wise -- much later in school than men. And because of this I think women tend to retain some memory of what it means to be liked (or disliked) for who one is, not how one looks.

The bottom line: Ask any woman who she'd rather have as her boyfriend -- the lovably awkward Albert Brennaman (aka Kevin James -- told you he was the crux of the arugment) from Hitch, or Hugh Grant's wholly irredeemable Daniel Cleaver from Bridget Jones' Diary?

So -- let's start here. Which one would you pick? Did I just set womankind back a generation? Or do you wholly agree? Please share. I'd love to hear your thoughts.

[Disclaimer: This post should in no way indicate that my boyfriend is ugly and/or unattractive. In fact, I find him rather dashing.]

Who's Your Ugly Man Crush?

During one of those random conversations that women love to have, my friend and I both confessed that we had an "Ugly Man Crush" - an odd looking man that we held dear to our heart. I believe most women have one. And who their UMC is says a lot more about them then the more obvious desires for George Clooney or Brad Pitt. For instance, anyone can love Johnny Depp, but it speaks volumes about that person if they confess a crush on Nicolas Cage (that was my friend Tricia's UMC...what kind of woman desires a man who names his son "Kal-el"?. Weird.)

My numero uno UMC is...by far...Conan O'Brien. I love him. He slays me. I smile just looking at him. He's smart, self-deprecating, kind...easy choice. I've since added Jack Black to my list (reasons obvious). Tim Duncan (my favorite basketball player and overall good guy). And Robert Downey, Jr. Yes, I said Robert Downey, Jr. Let's get real. Before "Iron Man", he was NOT considered a hot man. He was a drug addict AND a bit of a nerd. No one could believe he got cast as a super hero. And I have long before claimed him! He was on my list! He's mine.

So, yes, he was SUPER HOT in "Iron Man". And I get why all you ladies out there are suddenly so attracted to him. But, he was originally the nerdy outcast. He wasn't someone the ladies swooned over. And I claimed him. Now everything's different. I guess I'll go crawling back to Conan. That's all I have to say.

PS - If I can add one more person that I loved for his oddness, that suddenly became "the Man": David Cook on American Idol. I liked him from the beginning (though the pink hair was lame). I liked him for being nerdy. I liked the "word nerd" and his crossword puzzles and his slightly doughy body. And now you all love him because he's talented and jamming on Idol. Sickens me.

A Mighty Fine Birthday

It was a really nice birthday!  I didn't expect much, being in a new town and not knowing really anyone.  But, surprisingly, I received four separate bouquets of flowers (thanks Y&R, Ashley, Chong/Sean, Jackson).  The day at work was busy, but productive.  I received a lot of nice emails from co-workers and nice comments from friends on Myspace & Facebook. And Martin took me to a yummy dinner at a Korean restaurant (that's what I was craving!) And of course, no birthday would be complete without a Spurs playoff loss.  They lose every year on my birthday. It's brutal.  

I've been pretty generous to myself this birthday.  ha!  I treated myself to my first pair of Louboutins.  I'm getting an eyebrow fill and eyelash perm!  (I've always wanted to try this...I'm excited!)  I bought myself some new spring wardrobe pieces.  (yes, I went a little crazy!).  And...drumroll please...I'm getting myself a tattoo.  (more on this another time)

Honestly, what's kind of weird is I feel like January 19th was my birthday this year. It was the day I moved up to SF and started anew.  Today was just like a pulse check along the way.  Status?  On a roll and feeling good...

Birthday Weekend

I'm not a big "birthday" person. I LOVE celebrating other people's birthdays, but just haven't ever been one of those people who liked the attention or the fuss for myself. 

But, I felt I owed it to myself to celebrate this year.  It is, after all, the year of the rat...my Chinese symbol...which means it's MY year (holla!).  I'm trying to make a lot of little changes in my life...minor behavioral changes...and one is to try to enjoy that which typically makes me uncomfortable.  So, I dedicated this weekend to celebrating my birthday...with my family and my friends.

Thanks to my girls for taking me out for dinner and the sweet and thoughtful gifts. Thanks to my huge family for dedicating time to me during our Mother's Day luncheon.  Thanks to my parents for the generous gift and loads of love and support.  Thanks to my sister for going to see "Iron Man" with me. 

Thanks to Virgin America for upgrading me to first class on my flight home (ha!).  Thanks, ahead of time, to Martin for being my partner-in-crime on my actual birthday (Tuesday).  And thanks, as I am just now being reminded, to my upstairs neighbor for stomping around in your shoes again tonight and letting me now that even though it's my birthday weekend, I shouldn't feel entitled to acting like a princess.  I am simply a hard-working, loving, laughing, dedicated employee, daughter, sister, aunt, and friend who is one year older, many lessons wiser, and in a lot of new ways and exciting ways, a lifetime happier.  

Happy Birthday, Susan!  Enjoy it...you deserve to.   :)

"Sometimes you have to do bad things for a good reason"

I read that quote on the myspace page of a friend of mine. Knowing some of the circumstances in his life these days, I can kind of guess the context of the statement. However, I completely disagree with the sentiment. You know those age-old questions: does the end justify the means? What's more important: the affect or the effect? Is it really the road to hell or the road to Heaven that's paved with good intentions?

I just think it's all a big excuse...deep down, we use this argument to cover over our guilt, our shame, our regret for behaving badly...in order to make someone feel better, in order to save someone from hurt, in order to right a wrong. But me? I honestly believe that there's always a BETTER way. If I've done a bad thing for a good reason, at the end of the day, I've still done a bad thing. And I need to seek counsel and strategize as to how I could have done it better.

Yes, I am "black and white"; I am a "Pollyanna"; I am a "do gooder". I do believe there is a clear difference between right and wrong. I believe in that which is fair...justice...that which is right and good. I don't always find it, I don't always practice it...but I believe in it...both to my credit and to my detriment.

I believe that President Bush had what he believed to be "right" intentions when he bombed Iraq. Bad things for good reason?  I don't agree.  Wrong is wrong is wrong.  Right is right is right. 

I don't know...maybe I'm oversimplifying...I do that sometimes...

New Spring Fashion Trends That Frustrate Me...

Gladiator Sandals: Let's have some respect for the short-legged women out there who can not pull off having leather straps working their way up the ankles

Though, I may try these if I can work it (the high heel might lengthen the leg so the the straps could work)

High-waist Bottoms: Let's have some respect for short-torso'd, thick-waist'd, lower-gutt'd women out there who cannot pull off having all their flaws along the middle highlighted by additional fabric.


Though I may try this if I can work it (the wide skirt below the high waist might hide all the jiggly parts)

Bright Colors: Let's have some respect for semi-pasty, olive-toned Asian women who have gone their whole life being told not to wear yellow because they are yellow.

Though I may try this if I can work it (self-tanner may modify my skin tone just enough that it won't clash with the yellows and oranges)

I cleaned out my closet and have decided to part ways with things that I hoped would one day fit me again, but realistically never will. I feel purged. Refreshed. I need to go shopping!

If I were to pick a shoe to represent me...

I did it. I took the plunge. I actually did it.

I bought my first pair of Christian Louboutin shoes.

I know to many, this means nothing. It's an extravagance that is silly and almost crazy. It's a 1/2 month's rent. And in a weak economy, it's foolish. I know. I know. I told myself all these things.

But, I also made a promise to myself. I promised myself that I would do this for ME. That as I took the risk of uprooting myself to a new city, a new job, a new life, and as soon as I was financially able, I'd do it. I'd join the ranks of Oprah Winfrey, Sarah Jessica Parker, and Georgina Seabrook (hee! you KNOW once you got your pair, I HAD to get mine too!) and become the proud owner of Louboutin's.

Practically, I could have bought 2-3 pairs of L.A.M.B. shoes (and there are at least 4 pairs that I LOVE), or a new scooter, or a vacation to somewhere tropical. But, I chose these. It's a statement. It signifies success. And I feel successful...not just in my career, but in my life. I feel good about where I am. I'd change a whole bunch of things, for sure, but I can't not say that I've done well for myself. And what makes it all sweeter is that I overcame a lot along the way.

I chose this pair. It wasn't the pair I had initially coveted or dreamed about. Not the flashiest pair nor the most popular. But, when I saw them in person, when I tried them on and saw how they made my feet and my legs look and feel AWESOME, I knew they were perfect. These shoes represent me (ha!). I'm not the one you'd notice right away. I'm not the one you'd covet or dream about. I'm not the flashiest or the most popular. But when you meet me in person, when you see how what I bring to the table and add to your life makes you feel AWESOME, you'll know that I am perfect.