I've said it before and I'll say it again: I am bad at dating. I suck at it. I'm really good at relationships and I actually think that I'm really good at being single too. But the in-between times? I am horrible. I overthink everything. I'm a nutcase. And I'm insecure. (Ack...that's a painful thing for a 36 year old woman to say...isn't that something we're supposed to leave behind in our 20's?). I'm not good at emitting the aura of "I'm the shizznet and you should want me". And I seriously think that's what makes someone good at dating.
Anyhoo...
This past Wednesday, I had my 5th date with MM. I've been questioning if I'm feeling the connection with him. But, since I have terrible taste in men, I thought that I should push myself out of my past and at least try to see where this could lead since he's so DOGGONE NICE! (Is "doggone" a real word? I just looked it up online and the definition said "damn"...yeah...that's what I thought it meant) We went out to sushi and then to a bar for some drinks. It was fun...and as we progressively got more and more intoxicated, a lot of TRUTH starting coming out in our conversation. I said to him in that really drunken, slurred, way-too-loud-for-indoors voice that just screams "sexy" (not), "Don't you think we're SOOOO different? You're sooo...earthy...and I like high heels and big earrings. Don't you usually date girls who are more earthy?" (God, I'm charming when I'm drunk). And MM, in his DOGGONE NICE way, even when he's drunk, says back to me "Don't you find it interesting being around people who are different than you?...and plus, I don't think we're that different at all."
Ack! Everything I threw at him that night, he came back with something DOGGONE NICE to say in return. I'm beginning to think that someone needs to warn this guy to run as far and as fast away from me as possible! He's way too good. ha!
But here's the deal breaker...I should be the one running far and fast...last night on the phone, he told me that he wanted to be upfront and let me know that he doesn't know that he ever wants to be married or have children. Ok, I was a little thrown by this since we've only been dating for 2 weeks and we haven't even had the DTR discussion. But, WHAT he was saying also threw a curveball my way. I mean, sure, I'm not even certain that I want to DATE this guy...but do I even want to explore the possibility knowing that we want totally different things for the future? I mean, is it worth investing in a future of 2 weeks from now when I know a future of 2 years from now will never be the way I want it to be?
I've said it before and I'll say it again: I am bad at dating.
